Katie was left guessing with my expressions and she wondered why I was so lost today?
We walked towards our cab and I waited for Siddharth to come out of the office. I was walking very slowly and expecting him to come and initiate a small talk before I go home. As always said Expectations lead to disappointment.
I & Katie climbed into the Cab and I peeked out of the window looking for Siddharth amongst all the guys coming out and leaving for home.
“What is wrong with you today?” Katie said to me
I was still looking out of the window as the cab started on our way to home.
“What is it? Tell me” Katie was a dear friend but somehow I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Life experiences teach you so many things, me keeping mouth shut was one such lesson I learned, it was rude though but worked fine.
When I didn’t want somebody to care and leave me alone forever with my secrets and heart full of emotions I used to shut my mouth. Some people left, some were walked upon, some were made fun of, neither has been life fair to me nor was I to life. I bought so many souls to a halt, left so many wounded and So was mine. It was mutual and the revenge was satisfying.
“I am feeling a bit homesick, you don’t worry, I will be fine,” I said smiling weakly.
The inner goddess of goodness recited the hymns of joy responding to a little act of kindness and care.
The human nature is a vicious thing, it always seeks attention, warmth care & affection. It is a fault or I wonder God has made us so?
Everything apart it was Siddharth on my mind. I wondered why was I so eager to talk to him? What was so special about him? Why do I even care? It has been two years and a half and I am dying like a teenage girl to talk, to giggle and want him to ask for that incomplete coffee and what not? What was up?
I sat on my bed and then I kept imagining his face, he had changed a lot, he was a little chubby now and also his dress sense had improved, his behavior, his comms everything was smarter than ever. But I liked his smile and it was imprinted on my mind ever since the first time I saw it.
I was lying in my bed and with my eyes open, I tried to find out the reason, I was overthinking and was definitely imagining certain random things without a base. A little thing and my head went MIA over it.
Our mind is a wanderer, It is like LORD BUDDHA, it always wants an explanation and a reason for something that happens, Why? What was the reason?
And not only this, it has reasons for every little thing we do and every little thing that happens to us. There is nothing for which our mind can accept a sincere null for happening of an event!
We are so used to justify and protect everything with a reason that we forget that some things just need to be treated just the way they are and as they should be, Let the mind be free. Do not chase it and do not ruin it, outcomes of reality are better than your mind thinking! Well, they kind of hurt!
Sometimes it is better not to look for the answer, sometimes it is better to stop thinking and wait for the other thing to happen. The answer that you are looking for will be easy, don’t let your mind overthink into something that hasn’t happened and destroy the chances of the thing that could have happened naturally.
I slept and well the next day… I was surprised at my overthinking!
We didn’t discuss much the project and a formal glance was just the interaction between us.
What are you thinking should I do? Should I go talk to him? Should I ask him for coffee? should I at least initiate a conversation? Should I tell him I liked his smile? It has been 2 years and a half, things change a lot.
I barely knew anything about him. Apart from his frequent social media updates of movies and dinners I had no idea who was the person who occupied hell lot of my time.
I wasn’t doing the right thing, Was I?
This time I am leaving all the unanswered questions for the readers to comment! What is their opinion about me! Let me know in comments or wherever you are comfortable sharing your views. I will be eagerly waiting.